Nostalgic Session

Conversation between me and Donnie this morning in Whatsap.

Donnie: Damn I miss riding in cars on autobahn with friends looking at pine tress lining up while listening to the radio with German songs playing at the background of the sound of chattering and laughing while eagerly waiting for the car to pass the R&R to get cup of Joe to complete the mixture of sipping a puff of cigarette after pissing at the paid toilet in the morning fresh cold air in the middle of nowhere in the winter jacket or sweater to keep us from minor or major cold confusing if the smoke we puff out is smoke or cold air  and cursing our fucked up life that was then.

Me: Should write this on your FB. Good stuff here

Donnie: And people say I’m koyal German

Me: but that is what we feel

Donnie: Cant say anything anymore without people judging

Me: True that. Damn good stuff you wrote there.

Donnie: I miss that. I wish we could do a road trip even in Mesia. Thanks for you acknowledgement

Me: road trip to Bangsar?? Hahahaha

Donnie: Its different. The Sit down will also be nostalgic when you and Jheeh get married.

Me: What different does it makes? Jheeh getting married yes but not me.

Donnie: The situation, environment, time and experience. I mean the time in Germany. Even if we all go to Germany and try to do the exact replica experience I don’t think it will feel the same.

Me: I feel you. The feeling is just different. Stadium  plays big roles.

Donnie: About Sit down, we will look back at Bangsar sit down as nostalgic once you go back to Kelantan for good cause  you are the mastermind of Mejenism

Me: For good?? Who do you think I am? Btw I will borrow your quotes to put in Ibnulazim

Donnie: Mat Kelantan always go back to their roots, their promised land.  LMAO it is that good?  I’m honoured.

Me: I mean it. You are on fire today. Your word is valid and logical and bring me to think. Too much A Perfect Circle?

Donnie: LOL. I guess I just miss my friend.

Hafzan Lazim



“One day I will read again this blog and will wonder how it feels to walk in the dark in extreme cold temperature. Maybe it is just a perfect way Deutschland says good bye to me.” Hafzan Lazim, January 26, 2010 8:53 pm

Tuailah padi antara masak
Esok jangan layu-layuan
Intailah kami antara nampak
Esok jangan rindu-rinduan

Anak cina pasang lukah
Lukah dipasang di Tanjung Jati
Di dalam hati tidak ku lupa
Sebagai rambut bersimpul mati

Batang selasih permainan budak
Daun sehelai dimakan kuda
Bercerai kasih bertalak tidak
Seribu tahun kembali juga

Burung merpati terbang seribu
Hinggap seekor di tengah laman
Hendak mati di hujung kuku
Hendak berkubur di tapak tangan

Kalau tuan mudik ke hulu
Carikan saya bunga kemboja
Kalau tuan mati dahulu
Nantikan saya di pintu syurga

Hafzan Lazim

Football is coming home

After more than 7 years, we will unite again. I am coming home.


Hafzan Lazim

Bearing Sea

It was 300 am in the morning. The open sea was so calm and dark. Everybody was sleeping. I was alone still holding the fishing rod. Using fish head as bait, the bait kept on disappearing. The fish kept on biting the bait not swallowing. Maybe the big fish was asleep. Only small fish was still around. That was bad. But like old saying, the luck will come for those who waiting. I patiently changing the bait and was about to give up. Everybody already caught something.  Sharman already got a “Kaci” weight about 5 kg. What an achievement. Small, big, more and less was not an issue, the point was everybody got something. Maybe that was hard luck for me, a newbie.

Sharman with his 5 kg "Kaci"

Suddenly, something struck my bait. The rod starts to curve. This is no jokes my friend. This is no small kembong. I screamed but nobody was there. What should I do? I am afraid the force that the fish pulled will break the line evens the rod. I didn’t even know how to use the reel properly. I am just a “bidan terjun” here. At first I sat near to my friend watching him pulling fish after fish. He went to sleep asked me to sub him.

My 3 kg "Kaci"

Thank God the Tekong was still there, fishing in front of the boat. I didn’t notice him. He gave me some useful advice how to defeat the fish. Trust the fisherman when you are in open sea. Wow. That was a very sweet victory; first fish I ever caught is 3 kg Kaci. I am no longer newbie. The Tekong congratulated me. He again went to the front. There was no body to share my achievement, even to take the picture. Who cares, I am no longer a beginner. First fish already weigh more than 3 kg. With the sign, the future seems to be brighter.

At the kitchen.


Open sea, no end nearer.

On our way to the land, I sat at the edge front of the boat, enjoying the sea. The surrounding was really peaceful; it makes you forget all things that happen on the land.

I don’t believe this. A school of dolphin kept on playing in front of the boat. To see a school of dolphin chasing and inviting you to play in open sea with your naked eyes is the best feeling ever. I never taught that there are dolphins in our sea. Dolphin is always my favorite animal. Always does, always was. Now I have the chance to see the beautiful and the friendliest creature life on open sea. I kept watching them until they disappear deep in the ocean. What will come after this? Whale maybe. I hope. The sea is weird, surprises always comes from the under.

Hafzan Lazim

25m concrete pole.

“Bilo jah lori tu terbalik, drebar tu ado duk luar doh” eye witness.

“Jange sekali-kali gostan lori bilo ado muatan berat”  Truck expert.

“I am just about to quit, but I never give up” the Driver.

“Shit happen. Luckily everybody is fine” the Boss.

The Chasis

Checking the Chasis

The heavy load, 25m concrete poles and the heavy duty driver.

Rescue arrived

Back to normal.

Kids, sometime you are just lucky because you never did experience what other people have experienced. I didn’t deny that you worked hard to be what you are today. But I do believe younger generation who read this blog already live a comfortable life before taste their success. Never in your life, have you kept on fighting blood and teeth to provide half plate rice. You wake up and just turn on the light and then again keep on moaning maybe about high school love crap. Just be grateful that you are not the one crab fisherman in Alaska.

Hafzan Lazim


Just some random pictures because i am too busy to write stuff. Hopefully you can create your own conclusion.

1. Mek

2. Ariff

3. Tok Ma

4. Tok Bah

Hafzan Lazim


It has been a long time since I write something in this blog. Am I busy? You can assume that. Busy in making this world a better place to live? If improving face protecting mask falls into make world for a better place category so count me in. Work morning until evening, bring the kids to play ground, writing, eating, sleeping and so on. My life is pretty much routine like everybody else. What do you expect from life? That is pretty much it. Sometimes I feel like I played the world by the balls and sometimes I feel like a total loser. That’s life too, up and down. Let me write a quote from a movie that I like; There are two kinds of people in this world, those who stand up and face the music and those who run for cover. When shits hit the fan, cover’s better.

My sister already graduated. Pay attention, with double degree. How do you like them apple? She is just 22 or something. I never pay attention to age actually. It is just a sum of number to mess up your mind. My parents must be really proud. I do proud of her achievement with a condition. Just don’t ask me what I already achieved with my age. Congratulation is the right word for her I guess. Way to go my sister!!!! Though I am still waiting for the report, stories about Hj Lazim and Hjh Zainab trip to the State. 10 Paragraphs sound great I guess. My brother will be graduating too although he is already enjoying his career as a teacher. Me? Save the best for the last sound too gay or cliché. It cannot be twice a day because it is not my birthday sound better.

I moved out from Gross Groenau. It is a must. The landlord found the right buyer for the house. To leave that kind of house with that kind of environment made me sad. But what you gonna do. You got to go, you got to go. I live in the city right now. It is a small apartment with totally different surrounding compare to Goss Groenau. But it is a good different though. If I am hungry at mid night and have no food in the kitchen, bamm Doenner. If I feel like playing with the kids, bamm 5 minutes with foot, I am there. If I want to shop some groceries bamm Aldi sagt Danke, Sky, Penny or Edaka is near by. The best part is, if I have a car (read something else) bammm oil station is 24 hour open and in walking distance too. Maybe in Gross Groenau is more suitable for living with family and stuff. Not that I have regret but this new house fit me better.

It is enough already for today. Hope  idea will start pouring through my head so I can contribute and write something that is matter into this blog. Lastly, Word to the wise, just don’t insult the main owner intelligence, it’ll make him angry. Put kidding aside, when he delicate, he delicate. Something to think about, I know I will.

Hafzan Lazim

Pasir Putih

The train from Hamburg from Luebeck was quite full yesterday. I guess everybody was coming back from their weekend holiday to the reality, Monday. I sat beside my friend. We keep talking to each other to kill the time. 45 minutes is relatively long if you are alone and did nothing. We discussed about our future plan, life, football and stuff. During our conversation, I saw through refection from the train window, a woman, mid forty kept observing us. I lowed my voice a little because I thought our conversation annoy her. But when you have so much to say, you will never notice how loud you are. Damn this woman still observing us. There are only two possibilities, 1: We were really loud. 2: She like me. I kept on talking with out paying not much attention to her.

After a while holding her horse, she asked my friend whether I speak Kelantan dialect. What the heck? It is weird enough if she asked him whether I speak Malay language. A German woman can smell budu in my Malay language. I don’t know what to say, it is a compliment or insult?

Actually this woman lived in Kelantan in early 80. She lived in Pasir Putih. I said to her, my house is in Bachok. We are like neighbor and stuff. She laughed. She kept saying good thing about Kelantan people. Very nice people, very good food, very beautiful place and stuff. When she said you come from a land of nicest people make my heart leap with joy.

She also kept asking about Kelantan to refresh her memory. Story about places like Pantai Cinta Berahi, Kota Bharu and Bandar Pasir Putih really make her smile wider. She said she was closed to marry Kelantanese man but what to do, neither of them will not tolerate with their religious believe. I asked her whether she miss Kelantan. She said only God knows how much she misses Kelantan. With commitment and stuff she has no opportunity to travel again to my beloved state.

The train then arrived at Reinfeld Bahnhof. That was her stop. Before saying good bye, She asked us whether Search is still there. We asked back “what Search?” She said “ Search the band, Amy?” Wow. I was amazed. She then asked about Wings too. But last but not least ” Is May also still there?” I and my friends kept looking to each other. It was a dream or what? A Blondie asked about Amy and May? What is the odd? 1000:1? You answer.

My friend said to me when she leaved. Once he met an Italian in Swiss, speaking kelantanese better than him. The same thing, miss Kelantan a lot, he even miss Tuan guru Nik Aziz and budu. But he converts to Islam though.

The conclusion is maybe KLCC will made people know us but our sopan-santun and beautiful culture made people remember us. If we follow what our old people teach us about religion, respect, lembah lembut, sopan santun, kiro caro, food, art and stuff every human in the planet who know us will put us in their heart, feel blessed, remembering us as a gift from God for them.

Hafzan Lazim

Good bye

“Sometimes it makes me sad, though, Hilmi being gone. But I have to remind myself that some birds aren’t meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice.But still the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they’re gone.” The Shawshank Redemption, 1994.

Good bye my friend. Hope I will see you again on the other side. Anywhere I live, the door will always be open for you to come and visit.

Hafzan Lazim.


Teaching is not my thing unlike others. But at least I can teach this kids how to count in kelantanese language. To teach language that I mastered is heaven. It is wierd because there is some part in the world far away from Kelantan where people recognise Kelantan’s language as a medium to communicate.

This boy name is Aman. He was born here. He understand well enough if you ask or tell him anything in kelantan’s language. But he cannot speak it. He didn’t understand at all when you speak Kamus Dewan Malay. The funny part is when he use kelatedeustch (German version of manglish). Sentences like “Ich moechte nasik” which mean I want to eat rise. “Air katuk spielen” which mean I want to play water in bath tab, make you feel like somebody is poking your heart.

I taught him to count during last weekend. I promise him 1 Euro if he remember 1 to 10. Yesterday his mother invited me to eat at her house. She did some nasi minyak. While I was eating this boy running to me and started to count. After that he asked me the gift that I promised. Don’t promise to kids or your big brother if you cannot full fill it. They will always remember your words. Her mother said he keep counting every second, day and night. At first he pronounced  limo which mean five as milo. Now he can count 1 to 10 perfectly. I ask him to continue untill 20. He said “I already knew”. I said “go on boy”. He started counting confidently ” so so, so duo, so tiga, so pat, so limo and so on. The cutest thing of the year?

By the way, do your hate it when you hear your own voice? I do. hahahahhah

Hafzan Lazim.


Wise guy says your life is not perfect until you see a cow on top of a roof. Some says you must taste food with your own drop of tears in it and then you can say your life is complete. Other says that you must coincidently meet beautiful Malay woman in Sweden in order to finish your life’s quest.

This morning I woke up early as usual so that I can catch the bus to my work place. I leaved my house around six. It was cold. Every step to the bus station and every step from bus station to the gate seem so far. I felt like running but unable to do that because the road covered with slippery ice. Even to breathe was difficult. I arrived at the Draeger’s main gate and saw something that I would say will complete one of my life’s quests which is survive in extreme temperature. The thermometer screen at the gate showed a temperature that I never see before, minus 19 degree Celsius.

Winter will always make you miss Malaysia. This year there are a lot of snows coming down as shown in news. I never experience snow drop that heavily since I used to be regular Abe Yie Cendol Pulut Tapai behind Kota Bharu’s bus station. The snow coming down from the grinding machine is as heavy as snow in Deutschland this year. OMG I miss that girl Abe Yie’s CPT. I even stop at his stall during my last vacation which is 4 years ago. I hope him still doing his business there so I can stop by next time.

One day I will read again this blog and will wonder how it feels to walk in the dark in extreme cold temperature. Maybe it is just a perfect way Deutschland says good bye to me.

Hafzan Lazim


I was doing my work at the fume cupboard and I was alone in the lab. Suddenly somebody knock the lab door, I peeked through the glass and saw a tall and blond mid. thirty women, standing in front of the door. It was weird because she knocked the door. She must be from other department or totally an outsider. You don’t knock a lab or workshop’s door. You just come in and that how it plays, in my work place at least.

She asked me whether I know some guy name Christian *******. I didn’t pay a very good attention to the last name. Of course there is Christian in my lab. He is an intern. So I nodded my head and said yes. How tricky can it be? I didn’t see that hell will break loose. The women handed me a box of chocolate with a ribbon and a note on it. She asked me to pass the present to Christian. The note is written in German and translated like this “Thank You for your help and everything” “Love and Hugs- Mandy”.

I put the present on Christian table and continued my work. After a moment I already have second thought. That how low my self esteem is nowadays. What if there is more than one Christian work here? What is the last name that she said? What, what and what?

Frank, my other colleague came in from his lunch. I went to him and asked him how many Christian we have here. He said to me confidently, there is alone 4 Christian in this floor. He said don’t let him get started with Christian in this company.  He asked me what the problem was. I explained to him what has happened. He laughed like a crazy guy who never laughed for a long time. While Frank still laughing, my lab’s engineer, Dennis and other colleague, Rebecca came in. They asked what has happened, Frank told the story. As expected both of them laughed. I just stand there thinking what will happen next.

Dennis said some joke that I got hypnotized by the blonde woman. If the woman was not blonde, I would catch the last name just ok. I kept arguing to him. I said the woman spoke so fast. That was why I didn’t catch the last name. Frank said next time whoever speak too fast to me, I should throw them out from this lab saying we don’t speak that kind of language here. I said what if the people from third floor (executive floor) speak fast like that. He suggested to me, just say “Ich verstehe nur bahnhof.” The phrase the German will use when they didn’t want to entertain you. We kept on laughing while waiting for Christian.

After a while Christian came. We showed him the present. He said to us that he didn’t know any Mandy. Dennis asked him if you didn’t know Mandy, how come she wants to hug and kiss you as it appears in the note. Dennis accused Christian to have an affair with the woman. Christian kept denying it. The moment I describe as a crazy moment. Of course it is funny but how the heck I should go to every lab, ask a person name Christian and explain what happen. I will be laughing stock at the company.

Everybody kept giving so called solution. One of them checked the name in Company’s data base. There is a lot people there named Mandy. The same problem appeared. The woman didn’t write her last name on the note. I asked them to consider naming their children with my name. I guaranteed them; there will be only one Hafzan in this firma. Why keep giving the typical name I asked them. They replied to me there would be no problem at all if you pay attention to the woman in the first place. They got me. I was stupid when I tried to be funny. How can I come up with that stupid joke in this critical moment?

At the end, Christian himself offered help to find the right person and he did find it. Thank God. But the story will be told to everybody who came to our lab that day and if the person is normal they will laugh like crazy.  As for me, this kind of story will make me a little bit closer to them and will make my name appear in the department’s map. After seven year living in Luebeck, I still and always make a rookie mistake in the language. But Deutsch is not an easy language to learn let alone to understand the people that speak in dialect. I consider myself lucky because the dialect in North is not that hard to understand if you pay attention. But still, how come Feuerzeug became Feuchteuch? One more question, Where is my Mandy? hahhahaha

Hafzan Lazim.

Fate or coincidence

Sorong papan tarik papan,
Buah keranji dalam perahu,
Suruh makan saya makan,
Suruh mengaji saya tak mahu.

Who would expect me to eat delicious buah keranji in cold winter weather while watching some movie in side my bedroom on my bed in a foreign country name Germany?


I was in the office, busy finishing some work. Suddenly somebody came and put something that I in my life time never expect to get it in Germany, let alone to get it in my Office and given by some stranger that is a big shot engineer with a doctor title in front of his name. It takes some time for me to digest the miracle, the guy already disappeared without me saying thank you.


Remember story about Tok Kenali delivering Durian to those Arab?

Sesungguhnya perintah-Nya apabila Dia menghendaki sesuatu hanyalah berkata kepadanya: “Jadilah!” maka terjadilah ia.”  Surah Ya-Sin ayat 82.

Hafzan Lazim

29 years later.

It is late but better late than never. Nowadays my weekend is full with activity. I cannot reveal what I did or will do. It is not good airing my affair to public. The worse case scenario, I will get whacked. The least it will set up a bad example to another capo. Godfather anyone?

You must admit 29 years is relatively a very long time. I myself don’t know whether I will survive this present and live another 29 years let alone to have what they have, to achieve what they achieved. It is an impossible mission. I didn’t write this post to showing off that my parent is better than other but just to show some appreciation to them after what they have done to us. I think most of us will say only a good thing about our parent. Actually I write this entry because my sibling put gun on my head forcing me to write something. I will present to you 3 stories/situation that is enough to keep you up all night. Maybe next anniversary I will write another story, save the best for the last?

Once I have been thrown out from the house by Haji Lazim because I didn’t want to learn Quran that night. I slept in front of the door outside the house in the dark until my mother opened the door and bring me to the bad. I didn’t hold grudge or anything but I thank them. If they didn’t do that, maybe today I will be a man who didn’t know how to recite the Holy Book. Once I told the story to Mat Ajik and Che No to tease them. I am just wanted to show of how tough I am during my kid day compare to them although it was nothing. I kept saying that they are spoil kids. My mother heard that confrontation and told my father what I said. The day after my father came to me and said something short but heavy and will always stay in my head. He said that he didn’t have a have a proper education so that is the only way that he knows how to make me what I am today. Stab in the chest? I say yes. I felt like putting my face in toilet bowl and ask Azil Hj Nawawi to flush it 10 times.

After SPM I spent a lot of my times with Hj Lazim. I followed him riding his lorry to do our family business. Many things I learned from him in those range of time. I am very sure, those lessons cannot be learned at school. How to deal with old people is very important lesson that I learn from him during that time. He school me directly by saying how, when what usw. Indirectly I just observed his action. This day I will say it is easier for me to win the old people heart rather than their daughter. I am not that good in dealing with women. Maybe that is one of important skill that Haji Lazim didn’t teach me, poor me. If he taught me that lesson, I will be the biggest playboy on earth. Maybe the other sibling gets that skill. If yes please share with me.

One of the best memories with Hjh Zainab was riding the legendary ayam bapak with her. That morning I was still asleep. She woke me up and asked me to send her to her work place. I said to her the only ride that I can offer was the old Vespa. She said of cause if not she wouldn’t ask me. I though she was kidding. I ask her where other rides are. She said none of them are at home. The problem is the Ayam bapak is still in the making, so it my not work properly. Maybe the machine will broke down on the way to her work place. I explained that to her. She didn’t care. So I started the Vespa and twisted the gas so my mother will arrive on time. After reaching the Pulau belanga junction, the engine stopped just like I expected. I pushed the bike on the side of the road and kept trying to start the engine. Every person who passed the junction watched us. It was like P Ramlee and Saloma sweating under the sun. After approximately 10 minutes trying hard to start that machine, a car stopped. It was my mom’s collogue who was headed to the same destination. My mom asked me whether I will be okay to be left alone. I said I will be fine and will call my father after this. My mother left. I kept trying and then the engine started. I ridded the Vespa back to the house. My point is women in that position still doesn’t care to ride a 1930 bike. That is what we call humbleness that I kept trying hard to make it run in my blood but didn’t succeed.

To be what we are today, one cannot speak loudly that we are the one who work hard to achieve that. Unless you are brought up by wolf, family plays a big influence in your life so you can be what you are. If I and my sibling didn’t turn up to be the perfect son or daughter, it is our part to be blamed. It is not them, it is us. We cannot point our finger to them and ask for more. Our parent already gives everything in their power to make us a good people. Frankly speaking, they already have a good answer when the day they meet their Maker comes.

The conclusion is if one of us on the verge to be anak derhaka, please put a great slap on those ungrateful face and don’t just be ignorance sibling that only mind their own business.

p/s: I never read those novels. It only just for precaution. If girls come to my house, hopefully they will be amazed how intelligent am I because of those novels. Too bad they never show up.

Hafzan Lazim


I wish I was a boy once more.

Hafzan Lazim.

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