My Mute Monologue

It is late but better late than never. Nowadays my weekend is full with activity. I cannot reveal what I did or will do. It is not good airing my affair to public. The worse case scenario, I will get whacked. The least it will set up a bad example to another capo. Godfather anyone?

You must admit 29 years is relatively a very long time. I myself don’t know whether I will survive this present and live another 29 years let alone to have what they have, to achieve what they achieved. It is an impossible mission. I didn’t write this post to showing off that my parent is better than other but just to show some appreciation to them after what they have done to us. I think most of us will say only a good thing about our parent. Actually I write this entry because my sibling put gun on my head forcing me to write something. I will present to you 3 stories/situation that is enough to keep you up all night. Maybe next anniversary I will write another story, save the best for the last?

Once I have been thrown out from the house by Haji Lazim because I didn’t want to learn Quran that night. I slept in front of the door outside the house in the dark until my mother opened the door and bring me to the bad. I didn’t hold grudge or anything but I thank them. If they didn’t do that, maybe today I will be a man who didn’t know how to recite the Holy Book. Once I told the story to Mat Ajik and Che No to tease them. I am just wanted to show of how tough I am during my kid day compare to them although it was nothing. I kept saying that they are spoil kids. My mother heard that confrontation and told my father what I said. The day after my father came to me and said something short but heavy and will always stay in my head. He said that he didn’t have a have a proper education so that is the only way that he knows how to make me what I am today. Stab in the chest? I say yes. I felt like putting my face in toilet bowl and ask Azil Hj Nawawi to flush it 10 times.

After SPM I spent a lot of my times with Hj Lazim. I followed him riding his lorry to do our family business. Many things I learned from him in those range of time. I am very sure, those lessons cannot be learned at school. How to deal with old people is very important lesson that I learn from him during that time. He school me directly by saying how, when what usw. Indirectly I just observed his action. This day I will say it is easier for me to win the old people heart rather than their daughter. I am not that good in dealing with women. Maybe that is one of important skill that Haji Lazim didn’t teach me, poor me. If he taught me that lesson, I will be the biggest playboy on earth. Maybe the other sibling gets that skill. If yes please share with me.

One of the best memories with Hjh Zainab was riding the legendary ayam bapak with her. That morning I was still asleep. She woke me up and asked me to send her to her work place. I said to her the only ride that I can offer was the old Vespa. She said of cause if not she wouldn’t ask me. I though she was kidding. I ask her where other rides are. She said none of them are at home. The problem is the Ayam bapak is still in the making, so it my not work properly. Maybe the machine will broke down on the way to her work place. I explained that to her. She didn’t care. So I started the Vespa and twisted the gas so my mother will arrive on time. After reaching the Pulau belanga junction, the engine stopped just like I expected. I pushed the bike on the side of the road and kept trying to start the engine. Every person who passed the junction watched us. It was like P Ramlee and Saloma sweating under the sun. After approximately 10 minutes trying hard to start that machine, a car stopped. It was my mom’s collogue who was headed to the same destination. My mom asked me whether I will be okay to be left alone. I said I will be fine and will call my father after this. My mother left. I kept trying and then the engine started. I ridded the Vespa back to the house. My point is women in that position still doesn’t care to ride a 1930 bike. That is what we call humbleness that I kept trying hard to make it run in my blood but didn’t succeed.

To be what we are today, one cannot speak loudly that we are the one who work hard to achieve that. Unless you are brought up by wolf, family plays a big influence in your life so you can be what you are. If I and my sibling didn’t turn up to be the perfect son or daughter, it is our part to be blamed. It is not them, it is us. We cannot point our finger to them and ask for more. Our parent already gives everything in their power to make us a good people. Frankly speaking, they already have a good answer when the day they meet their Maker comes.

The conclusion is if one of us on the verge to be anak derhaka, please put a great slap on those ungrateful face and don’t just be ignorance sibling that only mind their own business.

p/s: I never read those novels. It only just for precaution. If girls come to my house, hopefully they will be amazed how intelligent am I because of those novels. Too bad they never show up.

Hafzan Lazim